Here we go again, consistency is hard. Do you ever feel you work on a goal then it drifts off eventually? I have a lot of goals. I am very driven. I am obsessed with completing my duties such as mother, employee and owner. I love to help, I strive for the best, and I want to do more. I don’t want my deafness to limit me.
This is an image- me in mommy hair bun, work out clothes and sneakers to push myself and running around. My lists are getting too long. Obviously, we are back to school. Three to four hours of homework. Exhausting. Thank goodness, one of the mothers who was my roommate on girl scout camping gave me tips on online grocery shopping- I ended up ordering online a few times already to make my life easier. Guilty but loving it. Do you feel you have lunches to make, pack snacks, errands, laundry, and charging Processors/packing hearing aid batteries in bag to be secured- I can be guilty that I run low on my battery, but I am still old fashion gal and still love my disposable batteries. The “fish stickers” it excited me to peel them off!
Slow down. I stopped and realized I am back in not so balance cycle again. One moment, I will not lie. My daughter got frustrated that I could not come to her right away to help her to do something.To her, I was emotionally unavailable. I explained. There is only me. ME. To do everything by myself. There isn't a husband to help me to split the duties or to be there for us. I am picking up while I am explaining to her, I point to her there is no husband next to me so I do it all. My large mommy bun is tilting to left side slipping down away from the rubber band. And of course, the joy of communicating is telling her she needs to step up on doing her chores to relieve me and build her own independence skills (SLOWLY).
So, I pulled out a blank journal and decided to write my goals. I listed my goals. Yes, I am the mother here who is OCD with lists. If I am not organized, I’m slightly fragile. If I don’t complete the list, I feel like a failure. I realized they are just lists. It does not defines me. Balancing defines me. Again, I have to take care of myself before others so I can serve. I wrote down what I can do for myself, what can I do if I get stressed even as a mother “Go to my bedroom for 5 minutes and meditate”! It is also setting boundaries and setting myself up to be committed to myself to the best version I can be and find the outcome results.
I now have been writing my journal daily to hold me accountable, this is what I write-
I called my daughter's name a few times already, and she did not respond to me. I got frustrated with her. I told her she has a name and she should acknowledge whoever calls her name. It is rude if you do not, right? "Mommy, why do people have names?". I was puzzled. I explained to her so people can respectfully call other people names instead of saying "Hey you" and for identity rights like birth certificate and picture ID. Especially school enrollment papers. I dug deeper through research and found names were given between 500,000 to 50,000 years ago due to Christianity, burial, and conversational wise by using description. They spoke a name and it showed to respect.
Today, I learned it is not just names. I found people using descriptions of others instead of names. How offensive? It can be offensive if other people describes our disabilities and what we cannot do instead of our names first. "The girl with nasal accent who .." "The boy who has something on his head.."
Instead, it should be "Ashlee is.." and instead of pointing our flaws or what we cannot do, we can say,
"Ashlee, she owns a business. She sells Deaf Awareness apparel. She is also deaf"
"Ashlee loves to draw. She loves to help others and she really does love her family. Even though, she is deaf, she does not let things limit her!"
My daughter recently joined a Best Buddies Program. We reviewed paperwork and I really loved this one paper! "Remember to treat your buddy the way you like to be treated (The Golden Rule). It is important to use "People First Language" the disability does not define the child." The example was given, "She is a student with Down Syndrome" NOT "She is a Down Syndrome girl". I have been called "The deaf girl who is on the cheer squad" when I was in High school on a cheer-leading team. I just hope our children can prevent this and even for us as an adults to teach them and to advocate for themselves. I even would want my daughter to be called "Makayla" not "The girl who has a deaf mom". She has a name. She has good qualities. We all do.
My favorite quote these days is "If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all" and to follow the "Golden Rule"- treat others as you would like to be treated.
Take a picture of yourself with a name and post on Instagram with hashtag #LAR'snamemovement (LAR is for Love, Ashlee Rose in case you are wondering) and @loveashleerose to help the Golden Rule Movement. Be an advocate for yourself, for us, for our children, and for all..
Hearing Impaired single mother and teacher aide at a hearing impaired oral preschool program. An author of "Turn The Lights On, I Cant Hear You".